Hi, I’m here with a semi-serious post.

For those who noticed, after my post on Nov 24th, I didn’t write anything for a whole month, before coming back with a post for Winter 2021.

I took the long break because I lost all motivation, drive and passion to emotionally invest myself in this blog.

After the events I mentioned before, I was in a rut. A hellhole I have never been in before, a hellhole deeper than any other incident I had. It was something I can never see myself out of.

Work has been increasing busy, even weekends are filled with family errands. I don’t have time to breathe. If I were to went on with my weekend schedule of the blog, my weekends is pretty much packed. I have been grinding on this routine for over half a year. Pressure keeps on building up, depression keeps piling on me. And one day, it just exploded, hence why I chose to write that blog post.

After writing my Winter 2021 post, I tried to write my Violet Evergarden review, but I cannot write beyond 50 words. I just stopped, its more than just a writer’s block.

During the whole month of me not writing anything, I feel freer, lighter. I finally had time for myself, to either watch anime or play games on my own pace. Its a wonderful feeling. I also spent the whole month thinking about dropping the blog.

Okay, under 1hr left before 2021 in my timezone.

Some reflections to say before I regret for not sharing going into 2021:
1. I was supposed to go to Taiwan this year, but that fell thru. I don't have much regrets, but just bummed.

— SUGOI DEKAI but already 2021 (@illusionpurple) December 31, 2020

This isn’t the first time I had been thinking about it. But as the years goes by and the blog gets more and more older, I find it harder and harder to let it go.

This year will be this blog’s 5th year.

But I want to set a target for myself this year.

2021 resolutions:
1. Find my blog drive again. I worked on this baby for over 4 years, going to be 5 years in March. Its going to be a massive heartbreak for me to give it up now.

But if I really cannot find it back by this year, then I guess its time for me to let it go.

— SUGOI DEKAI but already 2021 (@illusionpurple) December 31, 2020

As what the tweet above said, if I cannot find my passion back by this year, I will let go of the blog. I will be writing at my own pace. Some weeks there will be posts, some weeks don’t. I don’t want to feel obligated to write a blog post anymore. I want to write up the blog just like the old days, I write because I wanted to write it.

Follower count, readership is never really a factor in this. I don’t really care if people read it or not, that wasn’t the main motivation for me back when I started off, I just wanted a platform to write my opinions, my feelings.

So yeah, that’s all for this one. 2021 may be my last year, so I hope you enjoyed my content I have made so far, and in the future as well. And I will try my best to find my passion again, the fire that was burning in me from 2015.

I will write a post eventually, someday, hopefully.